The content in this section was developed in partnership with Teach Us Consent, an organization dedicated to consent education.
Verbal Consent
Active communication is the best way to build mutual trust and understanding when getting to know someone, especially intimately — it’s best not to make assumptions. Instead, use clear language and ask directly.
As we start to get to know people better, we begin to learn their communication styles, comfort levels and mannerisms/cues. Not everyone communicates or expresses consent the same way; it usually differs person to person.
So it's a good idea to explicitly ask, and look for, verbal consent early and often. Saying things like:
- “Can I kiss you?”
- “Is it ok if I touch you here?”
- “What feels good to you right now?”
Verbal consent isn’t repeating the same question, or a single, one-off ask. Genuine verbal consent is mutual and responsive. It's grounded in connection and care; checking in with someone shows that you care about how they’re feeling, and that they’re enjoying what’s taking place.
Non-Verbal Consent
Not all consent is verbal. Sometimes it’s shown. Non-verbal consent is about being present, paying attention, and reading the other person’s cues.
When someone is comfortable, enthusiastic and engaged, they might lean in, make eye contact, mirror your movements, or physically reciprocate.
While these signs may suggest comfort, they should not be relied on by themselves. Especially when a connection is new, verbal communication is still the clearest and safest way to understand how someone is feeling.
If someone is hesitating, pulling away, avoiding your touch or gaze — those are signs to pause. Try asking:
- “Is this good? We can slow down if you want.”
- “Want to keep going?”
- “Do you want to tell me what you like?”
Remember: just because someone isn’t actively pulling away or physically moving to evade, that doesn’t automatically mean they are consenting. No response doesn’t equal consent. It's always better to ask.
Affirmative Consent
Affirmative consent means making sure that everyone involved actively wants to participate.
It’s not about assuming someone’s okay with something just because they didn’t say “no,” but looking for a clear and enthusiastic ‘yes’. No one should ever be guessing or assuming.
This can be expressed through words, tone, or actions that show interest or enthusiasm, like saying “I want to,” or someone leaning in closer, showing relaxed body language and responding positively to touch or suggestions.
The key is that these ‘yes’ or ‘affirmative’ cues come from everyone involved.
Affirmative consent is also an ongoing process, not a one-time question.
It is not affirmative consent if someone “agrees” out of fear, pressure, coercion, or threat. It’s also not affirmative consent if a person doesn’t resist but feels unable to say no, or if someone uses their position of power, trust, or authority to obtain their agreement.