The content in this section was developed in partnership with Teach Us Consent, an organization dedicated to consent education
Yes, Consent! — Reflective of Capacity (Intoxication & Substances)
Both people are drunk on the date. This scenario unpacks how to navigate the situation.
They both are about to go back to one person's house, but start to realize they’re both too intoxicated for sex, and communicate it to one another. Initial suggestions are to just chill and cuddle instead, then see how they feel, but ultimately both decide that it's best to go to their respective homes, curl up and wait for the impending hangovers — rescheduling and promising to pick it up again and see each other another night. They call it a night, and both make sure the other got home safe, checking in with one another. Yes! It's consent!
Genuine consent can only happen when everyone has the capacity to make informed decisions about what’s going down. Intoxication is one thing that can impact that.
For example: You're on a great date — the best Korean BBQ you’ve ever had, conversation flowing, and the both of you have had a few drinks. Well, maybe more than just a few. Wanting to keep the buzz, you both decide to go back to yours.
Walking back together, there are a couple of giggling stumbles here and there. That’s when it dawns on you — the both of you are more drunk than you realised… and maybe you don't know if you feel up for this after all.
You decide to check in, and let them know where you're at: “Hey, how are you feeling at the moment? I'm super into you, but I think I'm actually too drunk.”
Turns out you're both on the same page. Instead of pushing through it you decide to watch a movie and reassess in a few hours, or the morning.
Choosing not to push through uncertainty when it comes to consent is always a good thing. There's no rush, and it gives everyone more time to build the connection and intimacy. Plus — there's nothing awkward or weird about mutual care and wanting to make clear decisions. If anything, that’s pretty great.
Not Consent — Free & Voluntary, Mutual & Ongoing (Pressure and Obligation)
You’re allowed to change your mind, even if you have previously agreed to something before while chatting — a quick hook up, a particular sex act, whatever — in no way are you obligated to fulfill that. You don’t have to go through anything if you’re not feeling it.
For example: you might have been messaging someone you’ve been on a few Hinge dates with about big plans for the night, but when you finally make it home you just feel like a cuddle.
That's okay. And it's normal to change your mind. Moods shift, things don’t always work out. You’re allowed to — and should — let them know how you feel.
But, say, you realise you’re not in that mood and let them know, but they start pressuring you, manipulating you or guilting you to go through with all those things you both were messaging about before, and you eventually give in and continue because you felt bad or obligated… well… that is not a consensual encounter.
Consent isn’t a one-time agreed binding contract. It is mutual and ongoing, and must be given freely, not out of feeling pressured or obliged, but because everyone genuinely wants to.
No one is entitled to sex, no matter what is happening, or what has been agreed upon before. The best sex is when everyone wants to be actively involved.