Tara Raani
she/they/his
Writer, Actor, Filmmaker
Coming out gets a lot of overemphasis in today’s discourse. I don’t believe coming out to your family/society/community should be a requirement. It’s often the first question people ask when you mention you’re queer. “Do your parents know???” Absolutely not!!! It’s a privilege to know me, and not everyone has earned the right to know the deepest parts of me. Especially for those of us from certain cultural backgrounds – coming out can have massive and potentially dangerous consequences. Those consequences can impact us forever. For many of us, we have to prioritize our physical safety, financial security, and housing before we can share our sexuality.
I wasn’t out to the world for the majority of my life, and even now while in a serious three-year relationship, I’m not out to most of my family, including my parents. For me, it was more important to be seen in other ways by my loved ones before coming out. That said, having a partner and not being out has been an exercise in communicating boundaries. My partner is totally okay with me not being out to my family and not introducing her to my family at this moment because she understands the relationship I have with them and how I’d like to grow with them before coming out.
Dating if you’re not out is totally okay!!! Just make sure to communicate to your partner(s) what your feelings are around coming out and boundaries you have with different people in your life.
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Masami Hosono
they/them
Hair stylist and founder of Vacancy Project
I think it’s a struggle for many people. So, if this is on your mind, know that you aren’t alone. I grew up in a society that was not open to queer people. I knew in my mind I was queer, but I spent years not knowing if I was ready to come out. Through that journey, I learned coming out is a process and you shouldn’t feel the pressure from anyone to rush it. However, there are things you can do to test the waters without fully diving in.
I think that if you’re ready to date, but aren’t ready to put yourself out there online, you can always make new friendships and relationships “IRL.” Go to queer-focused, local spaces: bars, the beach, queer-owned shops, queer author book signings, whatever feels comfortable. Introduce yourself to someone, make a connection, and see where it goes. Who knows, they might be able to match you up with someone! Personally, I met people through in-person events and work spaces!
If you’re still figuring things out and not ready to date, just make sure you nurture yourself with good people around you so you feel comfortable when the time is right. The more like-minded people you surround yourself with, the more your confidence will grow.
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Phillip Picardi
he/him
Magazine Editor
Society often makes us believe that we have to fit into a specific category to live our lives, but this isn’t true. Exploration of one’s sexuality is a journey that is different for each and every person. It’s completely ok if you’re not ready to “come out.” I personally think it’s probably better if you avoid labeling exactly who you are prematurely because it may block you from experiencing things you enjoy and achieving a full understanding of who you are. Simply be honest with your journey with whomever you’re interested in. Some may not agree, and that’s ok, just remember to prioritize yourself and your journey of exploration. You’ll know when you’re ready.
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